Cutie Honey (Live Action Film)

Dat Heart on her crotch, I wonder what it means??

Cutie Honey is a 2004 Live Action film (That still has a bunch of Anime scenes in it) directed by the guy who did Evangelion and Shin Godzilla. Derspite this: Its actually good

What happens

It starts with Honey Kisaragi taking a bubble bath and even though we get close, there's no onscreen nudity on here(So its like Jungle de Ikou or Eiken, but not as super busty.(Imagine Honey with huge udders like Mii or Komoe?)). She gets a call from a guy and hears theres an attack and trys to transform but she's outta power and has nothing to wear. So shge goes out in undies and a shopping bag, runs through town, guys a lot of snax, eats em as she runs, throws her shopping bag dress away, and transforms into a motorcycle chick and drives on one outta nowhere.

Meanwhile, a chopper comes over and hears the japan forces are trying to deal with this thing and lands. A business suit like Natsuko Aki comnes out, seeming more like New Cutey Honey Natsuko than the girly mc girl girl from the classic Cutie Honey, and is bossy and b--chy. So Dr Ruzuki was caught hostage and she tells through a megaphone they have the bad guy surrounded and to surrender.

Then we see the hostage thing and its Gold Claw with the Dr tied with a rope around him, who takes out her own megaphone to say she's one of the 4 great claws of Panther Claw like how in Sailor moon Season 1 2 4 and with the Garlic Jr arc of dbz they had 4 guys to beat. She snaps her fingers and the cops behind her spin like Wonder Woman and reveal they are Panthers in disguise and surround Natsuko with gold guns. They fire at her a lot but turned out to cap eachother as Nat is saved by Honey, who then drags and throws her behind a cop car as the Panthers fire on them but all shots miss

Nat pulls her gun but Honey is gone like Batman and Has freed the Dr by faking being a Panther. The panthers chase and catch him, wait, his name is DrUtsugi?! Like Demon Lord Dante?? And Natsuko megaphones em saying they saved the Dr. Turns out its Honey who does a Henshin thats not nude and looks like bad Power Rangers and she gives a rundown of her formes b4 saying she's Cutey Honey. Then we get the Anime Opening with the Cutey Honey theme which is widescreen and in color. Honey fights the Panthers and its kinda weird anime style with Anime style movement and feels.

They empty their guns at her but she blocks with a sword like dragon ball and they she fights em like the v r troopers. Honey fights gold claw and we get a good view of her pits and gold claw uses her head tentacle to swing and slam Honey around. But honey had snapped off her hand blades so she fires missiles from her right arm, which do kind of a Robotech thing as Honey stops em in a weird anime style fight, Goldman fires random shots that bust the area and all miss honey. Then after the smoke clears, the dr is gone and golden sacks flies off on a propeller head tentacle carrying the dr,

So Honey fires a totally cartoony looking Honey Boomerang and circimsizes her head as she falls to the sea and Honey saves the Dr. But Natsuko arrests Honey for no reason and Seiji Hayami, a Journalist, comes in and she arrests him too. Honey snaps her cuffs like Android 16 in DBZ and uses Honey flash to escape wuith Seiji.

Later Honey is at work in an office and is sunny and cheerful and the coworkers whine about it. Honey eats a lot cuz I Guess she wants to be a fat chick like those Diet thing adds with chubby honey, and her coworker makes her bring tea to the office guys like a slave. But coworker b--ches at her for not giving out the drinks in order of tiers they are. Hope some hermaphrodite b0nes her dead

Later Natsuko gives her report that the place Gold Claw f'd up was done by a group the gov knows nothing of, and her bossed dump on her for it. There was a precious metals smuggling ring then a teen girl kidnapping thing. So natsuko goes to the firing range despite Japan being pretty gun phobic, and gets a perfect score

So after a day at the office everyone leaves but honey as she's working on cr-p. Janitor gives honey a home made rice ball and she loves it. The next day Honey is in her undies and playing with a cat and calls dr Uzuki who's machine sez he was caught by Panther Claw. Natsuo gets a call telling of the dr getting kidnapped again (Which I guess means its Utsugi and the dubbers can't talk Nippon cuz they are Okama Gaijin from Jigoku) and Honey is on her flip phone looking up Natsuko. At work Honey is late and really faking being a cop to find Natsuko. Wait, I think she was faking being Natsuko but with red hair as Japanese are known to be more than just dark haired. Natsuko's minion trys to ask her something but Honey escapes as Real Natsuko comes in and he's confused

Honey asks other guys but they treat her like the cr-p Natsuko is and she turns back to her 70s looking outfit. Seiji is there, leaning on the wall looking cool and he gives her his card and sez shes fits the name cutey honey. She nearly uses her Henshin but he sez she don't gotta use the AI system and he's here to help her. Then they are going through a tunnel on segways like nerds and he sez Panther Claw is enhanced by Nanomacbines. Its the same stuff her dad Dr Kisaragi was working on and he was iced for not sharing it, and her uncle is the next target. (Utsugi is her uncle?! That's not canon!)

So Seiji wants to get the rights to an exclusive interview with her in exchange for more info and Natsuko comes in on a bike. He sez he'd share his info with her and calls het Natty (Like natty bumpo?) and Honey loves it! Seiji tells em (with an animated scene) they are fighting the evil group Panther Claw who fused their bodies with weapons and are lead by Sister Jill. Then we get a song about Jill song by some lady gaga prototype sounding like mandy moore as jill rises looking like a man or hermaphrodite. Jills butler welcomes her back from being with Panther Zora and sez they'll be unstoppable now

So natty wants to go alone and the other 2 wanna come and seiji takes honey in his 60s car and they drive off. Back in PCHQ the 4 emperors ate there, each with their own light color, Pink, Orange, Blue and Purple (No green?) and Cobalt Claw sez they celebrate her 2222 awakening

Black Claw, Cobalt Claw, Gold Claw and Scarlet Claw introduce themselves and say they rebuilt her army 10 000 strong, and they have a bunch of teen girls for her to feed on, which if you saw Cutey Honey 90s, You'd know what she does to girls!! Also they made new weapons for her made outta Gold, which is actually a bad idea as gold is soft, Also, What is this the Gold Digger from New New Cutey Honey OVA 8?! Also they got her a new home: The Jill Tower! (Like Trump Tower? Well, This WAS dubbed in Soviet New York!) Jill don't like Za Warudo for being boring and how nothing changed, but butler sez 1 thing did

Meanwhile, Honey wants revenge on PC and Seiji trys to talk her outta it, which kinda goes against the spirit of the Original Cutey Honey, What is this? The last of us 2? Nobody normal lied that!! Also PC wants Honey's body to to deviant things to, I mean, use her AI system or w/e. So Honey sez someones following em and Seiji knows, but it turns out its Natsuko's goons. Honey gettas out and they follow her but they find a guitar girl rocking out by the road and move on. Honey realizes she's late and walks on in a skimpy top and jeans and Natty follows. Honey changes to her work outfit in an alley like a h00ker and natty sez and figures it out

Jill hears Honey can match the power of Panther claw and wants her. Seiji looks it up and finds Dr Kisaragi's daughter bit it in a car accident like in Astro Boy. But the guy in a dungeon office he's talking to on da phone sez she's the key to the Ai System. Also Seiji has a breifcase of capsules that are colored. Then Honey gets to Work with grocery bags and natty follows. The guys ride her thicc a55 over being late and Panthers with Cobalt Claw see natty and wanna take her out

The coworkers are b--chy about honey and Natty meets honey to talkin da hall, an office guy might be mo lestiung a girl, wait, she's just being b--chy and natty hates weak women. Turns out he cheeted on her and she's acting all b--chy at him, which would explain why he cheeted. She gets caught by panthers and natty and honey go to the little girls room where natty pins her to the wall and... interrogates her. Turns out Honey isn't in any gov data bases (Why would she be?! does da gov have a file on all its citizens?! What is this? The ussr? or england??) she asks her a buncha questions, pulls a gun on her (Which would get her evidence thrown out in a REAL court) and sez "answers or prison"

Is Japan's legal system really this bad? This is turning into Starship Troopers! She gets a phonecall from seiji who's a reporter and can get any info he wants somehow, and sez the enemy is after her. Then on da ceiling like the exorcist, this chick (I think the b--chy one who dumped her bf) Honey runs drags Natty as the intentionally cr-ppyliciuos animated chick walks on the ceiling, This makes freekin Seaghost look like Avatar!! They get to the elevator and natty b--ches about honey getting in her way and the skin of the b--chy chick falls and on the ceiling is Cobalt Claw (Who somehow either was already in there the whole time, or got in w/o being noticed)

She wraps em up in her head tentacles and is stringing up natty for not knowing anything. Honey strains and hits her neck thing and does honey flash and turns to cutey honey and is gonna avenge her dad. They fight and Cobalt is stretchy and gooey and unzipts her pockets and extra arms come out (Yeah, that makes sense) and she pins Honey to da wall. Da arms return inside her as its easier to film and Cobalt bites her. Honey asks if this is how they iced her dad and Cobalt sez she don't recall what she did a year ago. Honey gets an anger boost and bends her arms back but Cobalt is made of latex or w/e and it don't harm her.

Honey them raises her bodyheat and cooks her as Seiji tells Natty to get Honey to transform to save her life. Natty tells her to turn back but honey wants revenge and natty sez Cobalt deserves a trial (which is weird as she arrests people w/o charges but thinks trials are needed). Honey screams and pops her like a balloon (Not Jumbo Panther) and butler tells Jill that the anger and hate in Honey's heart as too much for Cobalt Claw. Jill don't care as Cobalt was a loser and Butler sez Dr Kisargi was able to break down and rebuild matter with nanotech. Jill wants to use it to be young and less devolved or mannish (and if you read the manga, you'd know what Jill should look like; a thicc sm chick!)

So in the elevator honey is f'd out and seiji taps her neck thing and she turns back to her undies forme and says cyborg tech is limited by its human host, but that's her only weakness, and leaves. Natty is gonna cuff honey but leaves her and later honey wakes up in bed cared for by natty in her place (which is super organized and kinda autistic). Honey thinks its cool and recaps (in animation)how she bit it and Dr K revived her with his science magic. The Ai system (Imaginary Induction System) is controlled by her neck thing and natty is surprized shes artificial and feels her face. Honey sez she don't recall anything b4 the accident but recalls (In anime) her dad holding her hand, but she can make new memories(Like with Yugioh?)

Seiji is outside and sees natty is the 1st honey trusts with her identity. Honey sez sorry for getting her involved and how she don't like being full of hate. Natty sez love can hurt more like its Batman Returns (A kiss can be deadlier if you mean it). So jill is devolving into a plant thing and drains the life from girls captured and her hand turns back, and needs the I system.

Da next day natty wakes up and her dead flowers are big and alive cuz of Honey (A metaphor for her life) Natty is b--chy and it bums honey out. Honey sez the I system can increase life but can't make new life where none is (So does she have a womb? can she get preggers? Can we get super pregnant Honey??) Honey likes helping living things grow and natty thinks gardening is not worth the work (Country redneck honey! with daisy dukes, bare feet, a flannel shirt tied around like a bikini top, a cowboy hat, and a confederate flag tramp stamp!)

Natty sez as honeys better she can go and honey walks around town dressed in her virgin white 70s outfit to the 70s Cutey Honey song but more modern and feeling bummed, and wearing different outfits like some kinda music video from the 90s. She goers to work dressed like a moustache man and thinks how if she stays there, the other workers who treat her like cr-p will be in danger. Janitor recognises her and she can't take it and runs

Meanwhile, seiji's contact sez he put pressure on japans foreign ministry and things are going to plan and for seiji to hurry up and solve the case. Seiji fixes a bike and natty is transfered to the human trafficing case as the japanese police force looked bad cuz of her (I notice the director is big on making japan look bad, But I only saw shin godzilla and felt it made me lose respect for Japan) annd her superiors felt they expected too much from a rookie. She puts her high heel shoe on the table and they say she'll be diciplined and haver her surrender her firearm

Honey swings at a playground while crossdressing and wonders how to find the bad guys and decides to get help. Then Seiji meets Natty and he researched her and knows all her fave things. She don't care and he trys being more romantic but then Honey comes in saying when she called Seiji he sed to come over. Natty is kinda b--chy and don't like honey and honey talks to seiji which makes natty b--ch out. Why did you devolve her anno? Natsuko is an innocent schoolgirl, not some disgruntled c-ck sucker! Then again, this guy made asuka from evangelion.

So honey pounds a few brewskis and natty worries it might f honey up. Honey gets emotional and natty sez she hates cryers so honey trys to make her smile with her hands, on her face. Hhoney then goes into seiji's hidden room and finds all these photoes of her all over which he probably j-rks off to a lot. Also are a few of natty and natty and honey and seiji get hammered and do kareoke. You can tell the dubbers had fun with this

So butler sez Honey has a heart like Humans and is connected to Dr Utsugi and wants to get Honey to come to them. laTER Natty wakes up hung over and is disgruntled she woke up in a guy she just mets hotel and honey jokes that nattys a sl-t. Honey predicts what natty will say and sez it as she sez it and sez they synchro. Natty leaves and seiji sez she puts up a wall to keep those from caring for her and its bugging her she cares. Seiji gets a video phone call from butler to invite them to the jill tower and to dress up fancy for it. and under the door are envolopes and the realize jill wants natty to come

natty is out getting a gun from an undergound ally as japan is gun phobic and its hard to get a real one and her homies found info on seiji. she sez it makes sense and she goes off. seiji sez he has errends and goes off as honey puts on an asian dress and meets narry but is revealed she didn't use her honey powers to change into the dress(which is like playing a game without going to options and giving you the full number of lives allowed! You have the power! Why not use it?!) as she wants to do it herself. Natty fixes her hair and I guess honey is kind of a bimbo here and Honey is gonna fix nattys glasses but finds she dont need em. honey can use her powers as its not for her but a friend and fixes em. Natty wants to save Dr Utsugi herself and honey goes to the Jill tower

At the PCHQ Jill is tired of gold Claws f--k ups and drops her down a hole to h-ll or w/e as she begs for another chance. What is this? Sailor Moon? Honey is near da tower and it spins and spazzes out and a huge a55 spiral grows outta under it and reaches to the sky. Drill Claw! Is this you?! Then butler calls her and shows her uncle is a huge guy standing by the building honey is on. Butler sez they scanned his mind for info on the I system and got rid of his memories. Honey trys to get to him like Pan in GT with Goku and he holds out a watch that was Honey's dads. He remembers as, like Robocop, man is more than physical and tissue, but there's a spark of the divine in him that can't be erased. The Utsugi giant is a hologram and spirals up the top of the tower like bad GameCube CGI and butler sez to come get him, if she can!

Honey Henshins and she's nude for a bit but not showing buttcrack or nips and runs over and faces Scarlet Claw who dires a mouth blast that blows a bunch buildings and probably kills hundreds of people. Scarlet Nova Dragon sez if Honey dodges, then her blast will take out the buildings behind her and fires another blast, which Honey base ball bats with her sword in crazy sketchy anime style and nukes her in her own attack. She's not dead and runs off and Seiji sees this pink tree thing that he sez is jills true forme and takes out a capsule and sez it goes against his clients wishes but he must do it

so Scarlet is all f'd up and meets Black Claw who she asks for help. He cuts her down as I guess good guys can't kill bad guys anymore, even though honey iced Cobalt claw and all those Panthers, kinda like in Violence Jack OAV 1 how Mari didn't want Kenichi to kill anyone, but he already iced 2 guys in from of her

Honey comes up and Blicketee Black Claw sings a cool song in his Dan Green voice about how mondo cool he is. I just realized his face is like that Star Trek guy who was White on 1 side and black on the other. the panthers behind him play that Mozart song and black clouds summon around the area and honey fights Black Claw

Natty is walking up this tower of babel and Seiji calls saying how the chicks captured were being used by Jill as a battery (Totally not ripping off the matrix or anything) and he freed em with an Anti Nano device. So Honey fights black clay or Blacky from UFO Robo Grendizer to 70s Honey music and he's impressed by her power. He nails her across the city, she slams into a building leaving a huge impact in her body shape like Shutendoji OVA 1, and falls juicy buns 1st onto a car with Go Nagai in it

Blacky C uses Black Tornado (Not Rust Tornadio from Mazinkaiser) and spins like a beyblade to turn the dark clouds into a twister that chases Honey with cheap effects and sucks her up. Natty has Butler at Gunpoint and tells them to release the Dr and butler sez he will if she does sh-t for him. Seiji tells her not to trust him but she surrenders to them and they throw her gun and take out the clip off the tower. Seiji catches the gun and Honey is blown back to the tower as Black Claw is beyblading at her with the clouds returning. He knocks her sword away and Honey's outta juice but as Boston Blackie goeres in for the kill, she catches his blade annd his body spins. She throws him and collapses as he gets up and gives a speech about being zee ubermench and get on on top of her, but is only strangling her. She fires a Honey Boomerang through him, kinda like the Female Violence Jack busting through Kapaeru as he's b0ning her, and he bites it

Honey struggles to her feet as the clouds go away and walks to Sister Jills room. If she's low on health, Why not jump off the building and resummon at the last checkpoint with full life? Honey wants her uncle back but butler shows hes ok as natty took his place, and nails her with a ki attack. He sez honey can survive his attacks but natty can't and she should surrender the I system. Natty sez to run and honey sez no and butler think this could be love. Jill sez shes the bearer of everlasting life and beauty and wants her I System as its perfect, and Like jill, Honey is immortal (Which explains New Cutey Honey and Cutey Honey 90s) but she chooses to live as a human

Jill sez honey dont appreciate her power so jill wants it as it fits her better as jill is the future of mankind, then wants Honey to go in her womb (ew! (Wait, wants the opposite happen in the Cutey Honey 90s Manga??)) and uses ki to lift honey to her like Freeza in DBZ. Jill wants feelings again and wants to fuse with her like with Devilman. Honey consents if jill lets natty go, which she does. Honey sez to spare her friends and honey gets wooden as natty calls out to her, then seiji is there and serz to use the I system as Jill isn't as strong as her and she has her dads love. Butler sez honey is becoming part of jill and thus; the Tree of Life (Like, the one from the Bible with the Immortality fruit? Which was kinda referenced in Journey to the West with Son Wukong eating the life extending fruit?)

Butlers j-zzing his pants at honey fusing with sister jill like a beta male feels seeing a woman do anything he sees as "empowering" and Natty gets her hun from Seiji with 1 bullet. She takes off her glasses and sez to honey they'll fight together and to turn to her, Honey does and natty shoots her neck thing and Honey uses her power and we sees her holding her dads hand with his watch

Shes in her dads love annd jill sez she rejected love as its the source of human weakness (What are you? Souther from Hokuto No Ken??) and laments of honey rejecting her. Honey has memories of her as a girl and jil sees love in honeys heart. Jill sees she cant have this feeling irregardless of her wisdom, but homey sez there's love in her

Da f--k?! Honey helping sister jill find love?! Thats like dragon ball evolution level changes to the characters! What next? Fortress Maximus being best friends to Mega Zarak?! Sister Jill is her nemesis! Honey killing her is a great goal in the 70s series! Why not just have Goku getting Freeza Launch as a Gf?! Even in the 00s they were candying the a55es of classic shows! Honey has a body count! She wastes dozens to hundreds of bad guys! On purpose! Why not just have the Power Rangers try to help the monsters and they bite it by mistake? They did this to Sailor Moon too! In the manga the Sailor Scouts killed the bad guys themselves! Not just monsters of the say, but humany ones like Tigers Eye and Fish Eye! But the anime toned it down! Imagine if they made Violence Jack and he didn't knife anyone and the bad guys were hannah barbera dinks instead of cold killers? This is some disney bull cr-p where they changed everything and toned it down to appeal to a mass market! You know in the REAL little mermaid she has to wack the prince or she devolves to seafoam, but don't, and dies, and he gets a better girl, but she gets a soul from her sacrifice and goes to heaven! Not in the disney version! There we get the Snow White ending, again, for like the 30th time! And in Pinnochio he gets lynched in 1 part! The guy who gave us the dark, f'd up, teen j-rkin off on coma girl evangelion, disneyed Cutey Honey! Plus he f'd up Godzilla! I never saw em, but, the live action Kekko Kamen were probably closer to canon than this! or the f'd up, p0rn0 star casting Oira Sukeban movie!

So sister jill turns into glitter, then a tree, then as flower, then a different flower, them vanishes. Then honey sez bye to dad and she loved him. Natty runs to honey and crys cuz shes happy honeys ok even though she hates crying women, and its all to anti subtle piano to try to make us feel. butler holds the seed of jill and sez she saw an eternity of boredom and pain, and saw mans evil, and as honey is immortal, she'll know the pain jill had too. Honey sez shes different as she has love for her friends and the world. butler sez he's gonna serve jill for the rest of his life and I just realised Jill being returned to a seed is like Sailor Moon how Hotaru got Deaged after beating the bad guy. butler crys on the seed and it rains inside and the tower flies up, the drill thing below it blows, and the tower lands clean where it left

Seiji is going but natty wants to know his deal as he had an anti nano device she knows was made for honey and tells honey not to trust him. Honey knows seiji is an american agent and trusts him. Natty sez thanks to her goons for helping her, who are named Goki and Todoroki, and thanks honey. Honey and seiji say natty is cute when smiling and seiji wants to be an investigator with honey, despite having a US job. They invite natty and seiji introduces himself with Goku and Todoroki and they tell honey to come along

Then the credits of the actors having fun and its in full screen so wee know the director filmed it RIGHT and cropped it to f it up. oh and a good 00s japanese song